I learned two things today. I have a big mouth. And I don’t want to be told someone will choke it with their dick.Thursday, 5:02 p.m.
I learned two things today. I have a big mouth. And I don’t want to be told someone will choke it with their dick.
First Baby Ginger texted last night asking if I was having a good time on my back to back dates. I’m not gonna text another man while I’m on a date. I ignored him. I texted him back this morning and said they were good. He said maybe I didn’t need him then. Well I don’t need him. I don’t “need” any of these people. I need my family and friends. But not Baby Ginger for damn sure.
I was nice. I said, “Need or Want” or something like that.
Sent him a pic to which he replies he’d like to choke my pretty mouth with his dick. Now I like giving BJs, truly. I don’t want cum in my mouth but BJs are fun as a precursor to sex. But this guy has been violent and too too much for me from minute one, so arrogant. So entitled. I’m supposed to feel soooooo lucky he’s interested in me because I’m older.
Other way around Baby Ginger.
So when he texts this choking my mouth thing I say it doesn’t sound fun to me.
But that I am horny because one date got sick last night. He asked what happened and if he was “70” and why couldn’t he get hard? Stupid child man. I said things happen and we had naked cuddle time, which he mocked.
I said I’d rather have a nice naked cuddle as be choked.
He said I was too vanilla for him and was a rude bastard about it.
That’s fine if we don’t match up in the BDSM department but don’t be a dick about it.
Then I thought… am I vanilla? I don’t feel vanilla.
I’ve enjoyed anal a couple of times when people warm things up and know what they’re doing.
I like to be spanked while being taken from behind.
I like to be thrown around a bit, hands captured, wouldn’t mind to be tied but haven’t gotten there with anyone yet. I would take some chances in public, have had sex on a couple of balconies in Mexico and bared my breasts on the beach.
I even enjoyed when Tantric Man, whom I trust, placed his hand on my neck and squeezed lightly which I did not know I would like.
But I’m not into actual pain or total domination. I’m not sure that makes me vanilla though.
I did some research and vanilla means different things to different people. Unleashing the Cougar has a whole post about her experience with this. We feel similarly.
So I guess I am vanilla to Baby Ginger. I’m okay with that. His tone had concerned me and this is why. We are just not on the same page. I’m thinking about another guy I matched with on Tinder a few months ago and never met because something about him scared me. I’m not into being scared. I’m into connection and fun.
Okay part two. Fuck.
I have a big mouth.
I told you guys that I was stupid and said year of sluttery to DJ on our date Sunday.
Well guess what? Today in a text he said he liked my writing and had the purple horn emoticon.
I said, “My professional website?” With a sinking feeling.
“No, Ain’t Life Grand.”
I felt so outed. Here’s the post I wrote about our date. I feel like an asshole. I said “Not-So-Cute” in the title. And mentioned nose hairs. God. What the fuck.
On the date he asked for the blog and I said no. I asked him not to read it because I wanted to be completely honest. So there’s that. That’s his problem I guess.
I guess I don’t mind for him to know all my thoughts on here. I’ve told friends and have friends who read this. So I’m not ashamed of who or what I am or what I’m doing.
I think Prince A bugged out because he knew about the blog and other dates.
I don’t want to be treated as anything other than a goddess. I will not be treated as simply a vagina or “pussy.” I am a force to be reckoned with, a brain, a heart and want all of it recognized.
Tantric Man does this. Liberal Marine does this. They are here for awhile.
So after picking myself up off the floor from the text where he told me he found it I asked how he found it, remedied that situation, asked if he was still speaking to me to which he said, “Are you kidding?”
“I’m not sure I can face you.”
“Yes you can. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. Put on your big girl pants. You have nothing to be ashamed of.”
I said I’d think about it and asked if he still wanted to hang out with me after reading all that and what I was up to?
“‘Hang out’ she writes… I’m proud of you. And I do want to see you, and court you, and fuck you for as long as it’s good for both of us.”
“Damn…. You aren’t going to kill me and throw my body in a field? For all the men?”
“Lol. It hasn’t crossed my mind?”
Then I went for a run because I was still upset. And remembered that his office was not far from my place. I asked if he were there and thought I’d rip off seeing him like a bandaid, get it over with, kiss his face and hopefully he’d take me on his desk. He was home, not at work.
Then I got back from my run and just felt like a bad person. Am I a bad person? Am I using these people to write my blog? I don’t think so? I would date without the blog but I do so look forward to writing about the dates.
Okay I just called him. It was good. We are going out Saturday. He is being supportive and amazing. I really like him.
If my body ends up in a field Saturday my sister has his name. 😉
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